no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
