So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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