I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
