Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
