I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They took my balls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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