Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
