I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
