Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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