K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
