so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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