is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
