I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
