Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
