sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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