i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
