If i could tip my vagina, i would.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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