I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
