There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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