That's when you crack a 10am beer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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