Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
