i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
