My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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