You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
