I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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