4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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