i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
