did you get engaged???
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
