Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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