Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
