So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
