Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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