I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
