I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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