I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I just shit out all my problems.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
