Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
