Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
