Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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