You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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