You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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