We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
