that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
