The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
