he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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