meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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