...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
