HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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