He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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