We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
