he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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