and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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