I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
