So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
