Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
