I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You ruined the universe
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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